This year, why not resolve to really help your children cope with the realities of having divorced parents? The relatively new year can be the perfect time to change old patterns and help everyone in the family become more emotionally healthy.

Here are some ideas to focus your behavior to help your family members become stronger in 2017:

1. This is a big one. Stop arguing in front of the children. Make a resolution to be civil to your ex, both in-person and on the phone, especially when your kids are nearby. This will help them feel more secure in their relationships with both of you and help reduce everyone’s anxiety levels.

2. Encourage your children to maintain a positive relationship with your ex. Don’t push your children to resent your ex or try to make them feel guilty for loving the other parent. Give them permission to maintain or even strengthen the relationship with your former spouse. You and your ex broke up, the kids didn’t have anything to do with it. Don’t make the children feel bad for wanting to spend time with the other major person in their life.

3. Find the willingness to work with your ex. Stop manipulating and threatening your ex-spouse and work with them to accomplish the job of parenting your children. You can’t be an effective parent if you are trying to tear down their other key source of support. You may no longer be a couple, but you can still be a powerful parenting team.

4. Finally, be extra good to yourself. Divorce and taking on the new role of single parent are stressful changes. Don’t feel guilty about taking a little time to pamper yourself or asking others for help as you navigate your new realities. Lock the door and take a bubble bath, get together with your friends for a glass of wine or a beer or go see that movie everyone is talking about, while the kids are at Grandma’s house. Everyone will benefit from a more relaxed you!

You may slip up

You should expect that you may not be 100 percent perfect at these resolutions. They will take continual work and sometimes you may find yourself slipping into old patterns. But, resolve to get back on track to ensure your children have two loving homes and one strong parenting team that can give them the support they need as they grow and learn.